i wish i was running

 

( i wish I was running so at least I would know the cause to this frantic rising and falling of the chest)

 

My heart’s beating

With peace

at the same time it

Thrashes and clashes against

My ribcage – forced to act like a

Shield to my mind

 

It’s running fast and I’m exhausted

I haven’t stopped in ages

My legs fall limp slowly burning

Up my thighs. this feeling

Make it stop –

Stop this beat –

Beat it up, batter this heart.

At least it’ll die down

 

Writing this is half as cathartic

As I thought

Maybe I really should stop expectations

But these are just syllables after another

 

The exhale I wish I could make

Would be of a train starting up:

Oil turning to steam

Like blood turning to vapour

I’ve experienced the unfolding of my

Nerves in my pulsing brain

But now

This aching won’t die down, take me back

Not to the place

But to the feeling

 

I don’t know

What I want my hands to wrap around

Or my breath to hitch at

So I wait

 

And the clock ticks

It won’t stop.

 

Make it.

 

But you’re never in control anyway

Nobody’s gonna tuck you in on the last night.

Sorry.

Or am I?

 

It’s not Much

but it’s better than running on nothing

 

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